Portland thinks that somebody should’ve taken God’s keys after the 7th or 8th miracle he performed last night.

Portland thinks that when your ancestors and the fucking creator of the galldang universe are writing PSAs for Colgate you’d better listen goddammit.

Portland thinks you probably love to talk about sports while taking a piss; go Timbers.

Portland thinks that our parents would be way cooler with American Apparel ads on their asses.

Portland thinks that a postscript is written in the middle of a letter.

Portland thinks correctly.

Portland thinks that you could use a bit of compassion after you get back from Muchas Gracias.

Portland thinks that you’ve got a ton of cocaine at your house.

Portland thinks that Method Man and Red Man are much better rappers.

Portland thinks that the #6 bus line is a proper icon for matricide.